Q: My fiendishly clever local dry cleaner cracks the buttons on my shirts so sneakily that they don't break 'til I'm putting the #@*&!!! things on to go to work. It makes me want to go in there with a flamethrower. Do you think a jury would understand?

A: Maybe, but I bet they'd still find you guilty. Here's a better idea: At least a couple of companies -- including Emsig Manufacturing Corp. in New York, America's biggest button maker -- make a super-durable button guaranteed to survive the industry standard test of having a 29-ounce weight dropped on it from a height of 2 5/8 inches.

A button that passes the test will also stand up to the higher temperatures and heavy industrial presses professional laundries use to iron your shirts. They cost only $1.75 a gross, so you'd think all shirts would come with these buttons, and some -- like those from L.L. Bean and Lands' End -- do. But a company that makes a lot of shirts and uses cheaper, more breakable buttons can save tens of thousands of dollars. What do they care if you're late for work?

My advice: Ask your dry cleaner to replace the buttons on all your shirts with Superdurables. They're available online from B&G Lieberman, the country's biggest distributor of dry cleaning supplies, or by phone at 800-438-0346.

Patricia McLaughlin is a nationally syndicated fashion columnist.
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